Greetings everyone, and happy new year!
I hope 2021 is treating you well so far.
Mine has already been a mixed bag and we’re only four days in! Lowlights have included a a sleazy Travelodge in Clearlake, CA with the thinnest of walls, that permitted me to hear my drug-addled neighbor pontificating about God-knows-what all night long, whom even the “Heavy Rainstorm” sound on my white noise app could not drown out!
(Note: The picture makes it look much nicer than it actually was!)
The next day was much better, and involved a trip to a lovely hot springs with my friend Olivia. But, fasten your seat belts here, because things are about to get crazy— it was a clothing-optional hot springs.
Which meant that most people were wearing nothing but their masks! Whoa!! I was as shocked as you, believe you me, to see all those naked people! Why, I even had to bare my own butt in the CO-ED (!!!) changing area when I was changing into my modest bathing suit!
Because one of the few people who was definitely not naked was me. For I, in the parlance of cult favorite TV show “Arrested Development,” am a “never-nude. Why I can’t even remember the last time I went to bed without socks on!
And suddenly, I was plunged into an environment where penises were waving in the wind and bare breasts and were bouncing along poolside. I wasn’t sure whether to be fascinated or repulsed by all the flesh, the full-body tattoos, and the abundant pubic hair, and in the end I settled for a mixture of both.
I also closed my eyes a lot.
I learned that this was the key to a restful experience, especially in the “meditation pool,” where the moment one opened ones eyes, one risked seeing bouncing buttocks or dangling dongs overhead walking towards the “hot pool.”
With eyes closed, I could let the soothing sulfurous waters work their healing magic while meditating chastely upon how my next romance will involve holding hands and trips to the soda fountain.
Then I came home and promptly got a cold, probably from the stress of all the naked people, but I can at least say I had a memorable start to my year!
And in a week, fingers crossed, I’ll be heading to Mexico, where other sorts of masked adventures await. Millie already has her sunglasses and sombrero packed and is ready to tell the border agents that she’s going to Mexico on the hunt for the special spicy kibble found only there and nowhere else, which we hope they’ll consider an “essential” reason.
And that is all. Goodbye for now.
xo, Rebecca
Sounds like a good time to be thankful for social distancing.